I, for one, applied to five Ivy-league colleges during my last year at a prestigious, venerable Connecticut preparatory school for rich men's goof-offs (as my father used to say.) I graduated with what they call Honors of the Second Rank. I was rejected by all five, most probably because of the abysmal quality of those never-to-be-sufficiently-damned essays. I may have been hella smart in an ADHD sort of way, but I was just turning 17 and several years more mature than an eight-year-old.
Our dean of faculty took pity on me and got me admitted to a school in Pennsylvania where, it would be assumed, he had a friend who needed help hiding a body. It was a wonderful year. I played, and procrastinated, and futzed around, and probably broke 50 rules (and a few laws), and was cordially invited not to return. But I did have one seminal experience there which changed the direction of my life for good, and so it was not a total loss.
I transferred to a not-so-prestigious but stolid state university in Utah, got my act together, decided that math and chemistry and business sucked worse than a Dyson, changed my major to French and Italian and English, and graduated Magna Cum Laude. Which just goes to show that ADHD can still pull the wool over the eyes of tenured professors if judiciously applied. But in the course of the four years there (with a year off to study at the Istituto Orientale dell'università di Napoli (when they weren't on strike, which was every other week), I did get the higher education that led to an M.A. in computational linguistics and ESL and a fulfilling career in the translation field.
All of which goes to show that the essays didn't really count for much at all in the end.
Last weekend while grocery shopping with my husband, I saw a display of Rice-a-Roni and started laughing. My husband wondered what was so funny. It would have been difficult to explain quickly in the middle of a grocery store isle, so kept it to myself. But you have for ever changed my perspective on this mundane little side dish.
I was doggedly pedestrian (two legs=average, boring, dull; four legs=better, cute, pettable) in my application essay, but this did remind me of my Philosophy 101 class essay. I took the dangerous choice (probably due to stress in all the other classes in my fifth* year) of writing an essay on Sartre in the style of a Platonic Dialog. I couldn’t think of an ending, so I had the Sartre say he didn’t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition, upon which point the Spanish Inquisition burst in.
Fortunately the prof must have liked me or been a Monty Python fan.
lol. and gee. What a great essay and one sure to garner attention. I laughed out loud. Bad, Good, Better. This was a great bedtime read. You are my 116th! Thx for sharing
I honestly love this!! As someone who’s currently going through the process of applications, I can say that no piece of advice is stressed more than having originality in your submissions. Yours was certainly not lacking, and personally would have made me turn my head if I was the one filing through applications! Thank you for sharing this great piece
I’m Harrison, an ex fine dining industry line cook. My stack "The Secret Ingredient" adapts hit restaurant recipes (mostly NYC and L.A.) for easy home cooking.
Very clever! So, you didn't really send this as your college application essay, right? You're just kidding, right? Right? Anyway, I thought it was awesome it brightened up my stressful week! :)
I applaud your boldness! I was a dumbass and only applied to one school, no essay required, just your blood, sweat and tears. Fortunately I got in. Mostly because of where I applied from (WV). My high school math teacher's brother didn't get accepted so she said I probably wouldn't make it through. I didn't tear it up, but I got my commission from the U.S. Air Force Academy 4 years later.
I never applied to a college but if I saw this as an admissions officer (I never was an admissions officer) I definitely would have put you high on the list for scholarships.
I, for one, applied to five Ivy-league colleges during my last year at a prestigious, venerable Connecticut preparatory school for rich men's goof-offs (as my father used to say.) I graduated with what they call Honors of the Second Rank. I was rejected by all five, most probably because of the abysmal quality of those never-to-be-sufficiently-damned essays. I may have been hella smart in an ADHD sort of way, but I was just turning 17 and several years more mature than an eight-year-old.
Our dean of faculty took pity on me and got me admitted to a school in Pennsylvania where, it would be assumed, he had a friend who needed help hiding a body. It was a wonderful year. I played, and procrastinated, and futzed around, and probably broke 50 rules (and a few laws), and was cordially invited not to return. But I did have one seminal experience there which changed the direction of my life for good, and so it was not a total loss.
I transferred to a not-so-prestigious but stolid state university in Utah, got my act together, decided that math and chemistry and business sucked worse than a Dyson, changed my major to French and Italian and English, and graduated Magna Cum Laude. Which just goes to show that ADHD can still pull the wool over the eyes of tenured professors if judiciously applied. But in the course of the four years there (with a year off to study at the Istituto Orientale dell'università di Napoli (when they weren't on strike, which was every other week), I did get the higher education that led to an M.A. in computational linguistics and ESL and a fulfilling career in the translation field.
All of which goes to show that the essays didn't really count for much at all in the end.
No, they mostly count as things you can post many years later on Substack.
Last weekend while grocery shopping with my husband, I saw a display of Rice-a-Roni and started laughing. My husband wondered what was so funny. It would have been difficult to explain quickly in the middle of a grocery store isle, so kept it to myself. But you have for ever changed my perspective on this mundane little side dish.
I pretty much feel I owe you an apology.
Not at all. It isn’t every day that I get a good laugh at the grocery store.
I was doggedly pedestrian (two legs=average, boring, dull; four legs=better, cute, pettable) in my application essay, but this did remind me of my Philosophy 101 class essay. I took the dangerous choice (probably due to stress in all the other classes in my fifth* year) of writing an essay on Sartre in the style of a Platonic Dialog. I couldn’t think of an ending, so I had the Sartre say he didn’t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition, upon which point the Spanish Inquisition burst in.
Fortunately the prof must have liked me or been a Monty Python fan.
*Yes, fifth. Why?
lol. and gee. What a great essay and one sure to garner attention. I laughed out loud. Bad, Good, Better. This was a great bedtime read. You are my 116th! Thx for sharing
I cannot attest in any way to what I was thinking. But I'm glad it lives on. Thank you!
I honestly love this!! As someone who’s currently going through the process of applications, I can say that no piece of advice is stressed more than having originality in your submissions. Yours was certainly not lacking, and personally would have made me turn my head if I was the one filing through applications! Thank you for sharing this great piece
Aw thank you.
Thanks for sharing Nicola!
I’m Harrison, an ex fine dining industry line cook. My stack "The Secret Ingredient" adapts hit restaurant recipes (mostly NYC and L.A.) for easy home cooking.
check us out:
https://thesecretingredient.substack.com
Very clever! So, you didn't really send this as your college application essay, right? You're just kidding, right? Right? Anyway, I thought it was awesome it brightened up my stressful week! :)
I did send it. There was a more standard essay too. But regrettably (or not) — I really sent it.
Well, it's better to be original than boring. That's something I'm still working at, after all these years.
Holy shit, that was a bold choice!
I got into 5/17 colleges. I don’t know if that was bad or good for back in the day. Honestly, I am lucky anyone took a chance.
I applaud your boldness! I was a dumbass and only applied to one school, no essay required, just your blood, sweat and tears. Fortunately I got in. Mostly because of where I applied from (WV). My high school math teacher's brother didn't get accepted so she said I probably wouldn't make it through. I didn't tear it up, but I got my commission from the U.S. Air Force Academy 4 years later.
Rightchus.
I was a weird kid.
I never applied to a college but if I saw this as an admissions officer (I never was an admissions officer) I definitely would have put you high on the list for scholarships.